Double shift

i work a double shift from 12:00 noon to 1:00 in the morning. this is after closing the night before which was 5:00 to 12:00. i came home achy and tired not ready for the double shift the next day. when ii wake up i ate a bowl of cereal and got dressed and left. by about 9:00 that night i was sooooo tired and my blood sugar was so low. we close at 11 and i was counting down the minutes. i had just cleaned all the fryers, counters, and freezers, and was restocking the freezers when at 10:40 a group of 60!! home schooled mofos that have a basketball tournament walked in. i was soo fireingly pissed. (i dont spit in food) but if i did i would have a nice large loogie for them. they didnt leave till 12, and then i put up 100 chairs mopped, scrubbed the kitchen floor, and walls, rerestock freezers, and clean counters once again. my blood sugar was so low i thought i was gonna pass out more than once. i speed home not really caring if i get pulled over or not because im on the brink of tears from the pain in my leggs and back because i was only allowed to sit down once for 5 min. in those 13hrs. ( i dont know how thats legal ) but once i get home my mo i waiting in the kitchen with a pizza and cookies for me. . .

Grounding her from me was a bad choice

Dear Kelly,
i just wanted to clear some things up so. i have a girlfriend, and its not your daughter. i do not have sex and am not planning to until i get married. i do not do drugs, smoke, or drink. i have straight A's rite now. i go to church every Sunday. i have never been arrested, pulled over, or had charges pressed against me. if there is anything else you need to know or any questions or problems then you need to come speak with me.

disappointment

i wish i could take it back. i wish my life wernt so busy. i wish i had that sweet 16th birthday party but i didnt have time and now i will never have it, ever. i will never turn 16 again. i will never have another change to have that big bash, and i fully regret it. i think that one of the biggest reasons i didnt have it was because i dont have any friends that i would really enjoy it with, friends that would be themselves and make it a great time. i mean i have acquaintances, that i might sit with in class, talk to at lunch, or text every once in a wile that i would call a friend, but know that we will never do anything together outside of school, or even class. i had friends but i became detached ever since i mover to a new school, now they too have fallen into acquaintances . . .

Cycle

i urge to speed, to run, to leave. to just run away from all my problems knowing very well that they'll just come back and bite me in the ass, till i run away again to renew the cycle. i cant bring myself to ending this cycle this agony this depression, i feed off of it i live off of it, i dont think i can live without it. its an addiction a disease, its very sick and twisted. i cant bring myself to letting go to changing, and to really being happy. ive never accepted her death, and i think thats the problem. . .

Visitation

i visit your grave for the first time in almost a year. i dont know how i can cope with out you so i try so hard to forget so hard to just pretend like it never happened, this closing has never come to me. i cant let you go i cant let this happen. y did you leave me. i held you so gently so soft and you drifted away like a leaf in the breeze never to be seen again. and i still cry as i write this, and i cry in the car waiting outside your grave fighting to bring myself out of the car and just sit with you like nothing ever happened even though you 6 feet below me. . .

16

im 16 today and i have freedom finally. i got my license and i have a car. this is going to be good. i cant wait to go. i feel this speed. and i have to say its amazing. the feeling of calm wile your all alone on the road, no other cars, nothing, this is the place for me. . .

End of the movie

i want to be soo far away from this place im in. i want to be the only one in the parking lot, the only fish in the sea. i want to be all alone in the middle of a wheat field. the sadness i feel gets amplified by the people around me with there relationships and their happy families, and there beauty. and i have to be with them knowing that i will never be as good as any of them. im the lost puzzle piece, the spoiled milk, the dull knife. and no one wants me. . .