Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hatred

i dont think that i can keep on living like this. i am deeply depressed and fully enraged. what am i supposed to get out of this. a life of slavery, everything around me is fake. they only love me because they have to, they only do it when its good for them or they have no better choices. he only buys me things so i dont catch on, well guess what i have and for some odd reason ive put up with it. they want me to talk to them with more respect, they dont deserve respect. it is taking all of my energy not to lash out right now, just a quick phone call to my sister then they no know the truth, the strong hatred i have toward them, then my sister will arrive to pick me up. i could live with her for a couple of weeks. they probably wouldnt care if i was gone, i would only hurt 3 people at most, but not them, not their perfect little 3 person family with the reject thrown in. these last three years all i have thought about is different ways of suicide, gun, rope, run in front of a car, knife, hammer, pencil, anything. anything to stop this agony. i just cant bring myself to do it. . .
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2 comments:

  1. AnonymousJanuary 23, 2009 at 3:42 PM

    NOOOO you cant itnot the way to do things i kno it gets hard sometimes but you have to get through it. If you cant do it theres no way i can but i think you can just 2 more years and you out of here. Just keep holding on to the good stuff.Please don't do that!
    mel

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  2. sarahJanuary 30, 2009 at 1:38 PM

    ummm, i know you probably think they hate you i toyally use to think that way/ well not the suicide part. but everybody goes through aweful stuff that if you live through it and try to be positive (though it's harder some days)you can live through it and when it's over you'll laugh ciz it's done and you wont have to spend so much time in pain, and also they would probably miss ( i don't kno u or them so i can't guarantee things) but just try grin and bear it and when it's over you'll be so happy - trust me i kno a thing or 2 about abuse and wishing you where somewhere else. so don't give up somebody would miss you terribly

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